UNCUT GLASTONBURY FESTIVAL AWARDS 2009 THE WORST BEST KEPT SECRET The KLAXONS’ surprise appearance on the Park Stage (Saturday). Superhero fancy dress and all. SONG OF THE SUMMER Florence & The Machine, ‘Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up’. The perfect Pagan anthem for the sunkissed Children Of Avalon (John Peel Stage, Saturday). BEST GLASTO DEBUT ‘Saucy Jack’, SPINAL TAP’s theme to their legendary musical about Jack the Ripper received its world premier on the Main Stage (Saturday), eclipsing even the wee fellers jigging about to ‘Stonehenge’ and guest turns by Jarvis Cocker (bass on ‘Big Bottom’) and Jamie Cullum (keys on the jam).
UNCUT GLASTONBURY FESTIVAL AWARDS 2009
THE WORST BEST KEPT SECRET
The KLAXONS’ surprise appearance on the Park Stage (Saturday). Superhero fancy dress and all.
SONG OF THE SUMMER
Florence & The Machine, ‘Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up’. The perfect Pagan anthem for the sunkissed Children Of Avalon (John Peel Stage, Saturday).
BEST GLASTO DEBUT
‘Saucy Jack’, SPINAL TAP’s theme to their legendary musical about Jack the Ripper received its world premier on the Main Stage (Saturday), eclipsing even the wee fellers jigging about to ‘Stonehenge’ and guest turns by Jarvis Cocker (bass on ‘Big Bottom’) and Jamie Cullum (keys on the jam).
NEW BEZZIE MATES AWARD
The Boss and BRIAN FALLON. Bruce made a guest appearance with THE GASLIGHT ANTHEM ( John Peel Stage, Saturday) during the ‘’59 Sound’ and then Brian returned the favour, joining the E STREET BAND for ‘No Surrender’ on the Main Stage (Saturday).
ONE FOR THE LAYDEES
LILY ALLEN (Main Stage, Friday). Possees of lasses on the scrumpy lash, hen party stylee, with no wedding in prospect in mass empowering sisterhood singalong. All together now: “Fuck you! Fuck you very very mu-u-u-u-uch!”
AVOIDANCE OF A VERY OBVIOUS JOKE I-THANG-YOU-VERY-MUCH
Wot, no ‘Portaloo Sunset’? Grumpy old Kink RAY DAVIES resists the temptation to rebrand his 60s singalong hit (Acoustic Stage, Friday)
THE EASY TIGER, THAT BLOKE’S GETTING ON A BIT AWARD
Lee Thompson, the saxy one in MADNESS, flying on strings (Main Stage, Sunday) to recreate the classic ‘Baggy Trousers’ video. Top work feller.
BRAVERY BEYOND THE CALL OF DUTY
Stephen Street, producer extraordinaire of The Smiths and Blur etc, donning guitar and depping for Graham Coxon, who’d knobbed off to join Damon and the boys, in PETE DOHERTY’s inspiringly shambolic backing band. Advice from Graham: Just follow Pete’s lead. Oh fuck!
BEST MICHAEL EAVIS SIDE OF STAGE APPEARANCE
During the CROSBY, STILLS & NASH set (Main Stage, Saturday). It must be said Sir Mike looked younger, fitter and in much finer fettle than the Cros.
HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN? STRANGEST RANDOM COVER VERSION IN NEAR SYNCHRONICITY AWARD
Candy Staton’s ‘You Got The Love’ played by KASABIAN (Main Stage, Saturday) and FLORENCE and her MACHINE (John Peel Stage, ditto). Just plain spooky.
BEST STAGE INVASION
The emotional geezer who wrestled the mic off JARVIS COCKER (John Peel Stage, Friday) to announce, “Without this man, Britpop would have been shit!” leaving our Jarv all gee-shucks and embarrassed.
Elly Jackson, no contest. The LA ROUX quiff remained steadfastly erect under the lashing rain, burning sun and an over-enthusiastic dry-ice machine (East Dance, Saturday). Truly a feat of architectural proportions.
NOSTRODAMUS HAS SPOKEN
KASABIAN will headline next year after striding into the bigtime on a wave of mass, loved-up euphoria (Main Stage, Saturday). The people have spoken.
DON’T GIVE UP THE DAY JOB
JACK WHITE drummed for THE DEAD WEATHER during a surprise turn on the Park Stage (Friday). He can play a bit, sure, but when he picked up the geetar for ‘Will There Be Enough Water’ it was noticeable how the set took a turn for the tuneful.
YOU HAVE TO TAKE YER HAT OFF TO…
All the enterprising bastards who had “I was at Glasto 09 when Jacko died” T shirts on sale at their stalls by lunchtime Saturday.
THE “WHAT KEPT YOU? OH, A HAM SADWICH!” AWARD
NEIL YOUNG, who finally made it to headline the Main Stage (Friday) after a 12 year delay. His sick note says he cut his finger while preparing a ham sandwich. Yeah, and the dog ate my review…
BEST JACKO TRIBUTE
Lily Allen’s one white glove.
WORST JACKO TRIBUTE
DIZZEE RASCAL and DJ SEMTEX blasting the Main Stage crowd (Saturday) with ‘Thriller’ and ‘Billie Jean’ and shouting “oi” over the top. I mean, put some effort in man. Who the fuck can’t do that!
WHERE HAVE ALL THE JOURNOS GONE?
Gone to see THE BIG PINK every one. (John Peel, Saturday)
PUT IT AWAY LASS, YOU’RE NOT IN ESSEX NOW
LADY GAGA (Other Stage, Friday). Her boobs exploded, she bared her bum. Got in the papers. Job done.
PUNK’S NOT DEAD AWARD
NICK CAVE who dedicated The Bad Seeds’ set (Main Stage, Sunday) to… Farah Fawcett.
BEST STAGE PROP
Giant inflatable eyeball, YEAH YEAH YEAHs (Other Stage, Sunday).
DAMN NEAR STOLE THE WHOLE SHOW AWARD
PENDULUM, whose mass megarave (Other Stage, Saturday) apparently forced the TV folks to flash a strobe warning on screen. The day-glo revolution will be televised, oh yes siree.
CRAZIEST CIOVER VERSION
‘Coma Girl’ – something Joe Strummer recorded with his Mescaleros apparently. BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN did it (Main Stage, Saturday) as a tribute to the late, great Joe, a long-standing Glasto looner.
THEY MAY HAVE REFORMED FOR THE MONEY BUT, HEY, THIS FEELS KINDA MOMENTOUS
THE SPECIALS, san Senior Dammers (Main Stage, Friday), Terry Hall speechifying: “It’s taken us 25 years to get here but things are still the same. Then it was the National front. Now it’s the BNP!” That’s ‘avin’ it politico old skool.
CHEEKIEST COVER VERSION
DIZZEE RASCAL (Main Stage, Saturday) starting his set with The Ting Tings’ ‘That’s Not My Name’ and smuggling a Wiley diss into the bargain.
THE YEAH, THERE’S A RECESSION ON AND PEOPLE DIE AND STUFF BUT THIS JUST MIGHT BE THE BEST GLASTO EVER AWARD
BLUR for the magnificent Fest-closing Sunday slot on the Main Stage. Phil Daniels back for ‘Parklife’, Graham bouncing about on grins’n’guitars. ‘Song 2’. Whoo-hoo! Luvverly!
THE WEEKEND SOUNDTRACK
Kasabian: ‘Fire’. Bangin’ bigtime
Neil Young: ‘Rockin’ In The Free World. Jam-packed with finales.
Pendulum: The whole damn ape-crazy est.
La Roux: Bulletproof. Numero Uno.
The Specials: ‘A Message To You Rudy’. Non-embarrassing dadskank
Madness & the crowd: It Must Be Love. A big, sunshiney hug. Aaaaah!
Pete Doherty: The Libertines’ ‘Time For Heroes’. A moment.
Florence & The Machine: ‘Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up’). The Wickerlass.
Blur: ‘The Universal’. The final bliss-out.